How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
