i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
