you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
