Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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