Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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