Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
