It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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