ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
