Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
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It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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