I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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