I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
