piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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