i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
