Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
