Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
