She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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