I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
