You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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