he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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