Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
