no. you can't hotbox the world.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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