The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
