____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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