So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
