she woke up with a sticky ear
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
