lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
