Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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