I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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