Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
