You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
