The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
