his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
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His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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