I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
