your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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