Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
