I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize