She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
