READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
