o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He has the fingertips of a God
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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