he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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