i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
