I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
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I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
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You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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