I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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