Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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