Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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