Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
