i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
