When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize