I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
