That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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