Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
