I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
