We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
