No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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