she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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