Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
