Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Sext me about skeletons
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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