Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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