Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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