Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Please don't give away my fajitas
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
