i may or may not be watching the land before time
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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