she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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