I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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