Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Randomize
