Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
