i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
