Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
