she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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