i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I can't turn off my feet"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
