he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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