i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
i now understand why vodka
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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