i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
