the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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