Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
