i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
