you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
