I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
