every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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